When Your Empty Nest Feels a Little Emptier: Navigating Your Adult Child’s Birthday Without Them
The first time your child’s birthday rolls around and they’re not at the kitchen table blowing out candles, it can hit you harder than you expect.
March has always been a big birthday month in our house. Two of my kids celebrate their birthdays this month—one just turned 22 and is away at college, and the other turned 26 and recently moved to Washington, D.C. For years, March meant birthday cakes, family dinners, and all of us together, celebrating. Now, they’re off living their own life.
Me and my kids over Christmas break 2024.
Have you experienced this? Maybe your kids are iin another city, maybe even with their own family or friends, and you find yourself wondering… What do I do now?
Feeling the Feelings (And That’s Okay!)
It’s completely normal to feel a little sad or nostalgic. Acknowledging the shift is part of the process. Your child growing into their independence is something to celebrate, but that doesn’t mean you won’t miss the way things used to be. Instead of resisting those emotions, give yourself space to honor them.
I won’t lie—it feels a little strange. Birthdays are one of those milestones that make you realize just how much life has changed in the empty nest phase. It’s another reminder that they are out living their own lives, as they should be. But this year instead of feeling sad, I found myself overwhelmed with something else entirely—gratitude.
The Best Gift: Knowing They’re Loved
Both of my kids sounded so happy on their birthdays, which made my heart full. And what really got me? The way their friends and coworkers showed up to celebrate them.
My son, who just moved to D.C., had his coworkers surprise him with a cake and sing Happy Birthday. The fact that they took the time to make him feel special in a brand-new city meant so much to me. Plus he had plans to go out after work with his coworkers and new friends.
And my daughter? Her college friends made her a birthday sign with “22 things we love about you.” I mean… how sweet is that? Knowing she’s surrounded by such thoughtful, caring friends made my heart so happy.
Letting Go of Traditions… and Creating New Ones
Sure, I miss baking a birthday cake and seeing them blow out candles at home. But I also realized that birthdays don’t have to look the same to still be special. We as parents need to consider new ways to celebrate from afar. Here are a few ideas:
Sending a surprise treat – A little Venmo for a coffee, meal, or dessert, just so they know we are thinking of them.
A heartfelt message – Instead of just a quick “Happy Birthday!” text, Consider sending a longer note with a favorite memory and encouragement for the year ahead.
A FaceTime call to soak in their happiness – Even if it’s just a few minutes, hearing their excitement and seeing their smiles is a gift in itself.
Finding joy in the day myself – Instead of feeling left out, I focused on gratitude—grateful they are happy, surrounded by good people, and stepping into the next chapter of their lives with confidence.
A Sign of Success
As parents, we raise them to be independent, to build meaningful relationships, and to create lives they love. And while it’s bittersweet to not be the one orchestrating their birthday celebrations anymore, it’s also the greatest reassurance that they are exactly where they’re meant to be.
So, while I wasn’t physically with them this year, I still celebrated in my own way—by cheering them on, feeling immense pride, and knowing that no matter how far they go, they will always be my kids.
And that’s a tradition that never changes.
